How is this happening?, a poem

How is this happening.

I say it out loud

I scream it out loud

like saying it enough times

might make it untrue.

This isn't supposed to happen.

Not to you. Not to us.

The world kept going...

cars still drove by,

the sun still came up,

like nothing had happened at all.

I keep waiting

for someone to tell me

it's a mistake.

For my phone to buzz

with your name on it,

one of your texts,

proving this whole thing

was never real.

How does a life just stop.

Mid-sentence.

No warning. No goodbye.

One day you're planning San Diego,

the next you're ashes

in a pendant on my chest.

My son.

My light.

My love.

My life.

How is this fair.

It isn't.

It never will be.

How is this happening.

Why is this happening.

I don't understand.

I don't understand.

I. Don't. Understand.

So how do I carry on

in a world that let this happen.

I don't know.

I just know I'm still here...

still breathing...

still saying your name

into a house

that's too quiet

without you in it.